Am I Talking To A Person Or Consciousness?


So many of the interactions with people and behaviour I've been dealing with for the last 10 years, maybe more, can be traced back to this question. It starts with an encounter I had many years ago with a couple I met on the David Icke forum - an Irish girl and her French freemason husband. I've spoken about this at various times over the years. It seems that during the interactions I had with them both, but mainly the Irish girl, I said things that were addressing her personally but which have come to take on a more universal meaning as the years have went on. The question is how has this been happening?

It's easier if I share some examples. Me and this Irish girl did not see eye to eye for sure! The clash between us seems to have caused me to say things in response to what she was throwing at me and then those responses seem to have echoed out and affected others. Another way of looking at it is perhaps she was acting almost as a "spokesperson" for those others I was yet to meet. Since I can't rewind to find out how those others were acting before I met them, and before the encounter with the Irish girl, its not easy to determine where she ends and they begin.

One example is in response to the Irish girl wanting me to share details about my life on the David Icke forum, wanting me to involve myself more with the people there in a personal sense, I said "I'm not here to make friends". My intention with that statement was clear. I was not on the David Icke forum to make friends and the reason is because I was never looking for online friends. I was always looking for real life, physical relationships with people. Not that I can't be friends with people online but my focus wasn't there because its a poor substitute for the real thing. Did she intentionally or not interpret my statement as I'm not here on Earth to make friends?

Another statement I made to her was "I don't know whether I'm a man or a woman". This statement was made during a discussion about Consciousness, around 2009 or 2010. At that time the Trans movement was barely known in the mainstream. I certainly didn't know anything about it. I was simply trying to get across to her that since Consciousness is before the body, the body is another object within Consciousness, and if you know and understand that to be your true nature, that you are not a body, then from that position, you are neither male or female. Consciousness is formless so gender comes after that. Obviously, if you ask me, I will say I'm a man because I inhabit a male body, but that's a language and communication thing. It's relative to the kind of conversation I'm having. In everyday life I don't go around saying "I am Consciousness, I have no form". In this physical realm, I inhabit a male body. So it was quite strange when this Trans movement took hold in the mainstream and the whole pronoun thing became a thing, because I cast my mind back to that statement and realised the significance of it. I would go so far as to say many people who feel confused about their gender are actually battling with this idea. Some men or women perhaps don't feel like men or women because none of us are actually either! Our true nature is Consciousness. If that understanding only hits you in the physical sense, meaning you only relate it to this physical 3D world, then you may try to rectify it in the physical world, by changing the gender of the body. Sadly, it won't bring an end to the battle because its true resolution is beyond the level of the body.

Somebody in recent times pointed out to me that when I refer to SoulJahm and our time in Europe, I talk in a way as if the UK is not part of Europe. I was talking like this long before Brexit. To this person, it was strange I talked this way but I explained it's very simple. Internally, I always saw UK as part of Europe. I don't mean part of the European Union, which is a political thing. I mean, the land and culture and people of Europe. Kind of like how all Africans are African but there are many individual countries within Africa or Asians are Asian, whether from China or Japan or elsewhere in that region. British people originate from the land of continental Europe so we are told. So in that sense, British people are Europeans, as are most white Americans. This is how I meant it. Bob Marley, being of African heritage, saw all black people as Africans and saw the importance of black people uniting, whether from Jamaica, Africa, America or elsewhere. In a similar way I saw the importance of Europeans uniting. Maybe its idealistic, but if all the blacks united and found their common culture and roots, they would become stronger as a people, and if all the Europeans did the same, they would be stronger, Asians also, and then once each group is strong, they can come together as one humanity and still respect cultural differences.

Whenever I spoke of Europe, I saw the UK as part of that. Its simply that the greatest land mass of Europe happens to be continental Europe and so the focus goes there in the same way London is the capital of England and so everything tends to focus there. It amazed me that my words could be so misunderstood that people may think I was a Brexit supporter because I gave the impression UK and Europe were two separate entities. Politics never comes into it for me. I don't support the European Union and I don't support Brexit. I support European people in general, whether they are from UK, Germany, Italy, France, Spain, Russia, Ukraine or wherever. I don't support any of their political views, from any country. Also, I only say Europe there because I am a European and that is my heritage (born in Scotland to Scottish parents but with a Maltese grandmother on one side and a German grandfather on the other, there is also some Irish in there as Murphy was my mother's maiden name), what I'm made up of in a physical sense, so it doesn't feel appropriate for me to speak on behalf of black people or Asians. So I'm for all people of the world but with the focus on Europe because that is my background, where I grew up, where I've lived all my life. This is for another discussion and the point here is how easily it is to misunderstand with words.

Some may say I need to be clearer in my communication. That may be true, I'm a songwriter and I write in a picturey, asbtract way, not a literary author, but if you start getting too much into pedantics it all becomes too much of a mental thing when dealing with spirituality. No matter how you arrange words, they can always be misunderstood and so I've always come at things intuitively and put the focus on intentions. I trust that the receiver of my words has the intelligence to intuitively understand my intent beyond the words because true clarity doesn't come from arranging words perfectly but from the spiritual Heart. There are many many more ways for us to communicate with each other than only words. It's why I was drawn to Music because I started out writing poems before I picked up a guitar but I found there was something missing. As soon as I put sound to the words it opened up a whole new dimension. In a song you can use words but you also have all the sounds around the words, which can convey subtle emotions and feelings that we have no words for. That is powerful.

First time around encountering this Irish girl, she expressed a strange thing to me - "how will he feel about me when I'm old?". She said this in 2010 and it was such a weird statement to make. We were in the middle of a bust-up, she was basically running away from what I was about, and yet she was still concerned about how I'd feel about her when she got old?!! It made no sense to me. Was she personally feeling this or somehow expressing how other women were feeling in a more general sense? The second time around, in 2015, we clashed further and since she was using songs and so on to communicate messages to me, one of which being The Killers/Brandon Flowers, I responded with a Brandon Flowers song I enjoyed, "Only The Young" where he sings "Only the young can break away". Since then I found that younger women seemed to be drawn to me whilst women my own age and older have kept a distance. Maybe I'm wrong, but I sensed that somehow subconsciously in me throwing this thing at the Irish girl it had the effect of repelling all but the young from me. Again, my actions and words were aimed at her personally, it was not a reflection of my feelings towards all women.

In that same second round of interactions with her, she said something strange about "don't make everything about you". Did she also know and experience the things we were throwing back and forth at each other were more universal than either of us realised? Was she experiencing similar things in her life? ie. Things she said towards me were playing out in her life through other people?

I could give many more examples like this of things said between us which, at least from my point of view, were aimed at her personally, but which I've seen play out through other women. Same thing has happened with the things said between me and her husband and what I've seen play out with men in my life.

I wanted to put this out there in an attempt to clear this up. It has certainly been a rollercoaster journey in terms of realising this reality is nothing like we were led to believe, nothing like it appears to be. When you talk to an individual who is "hearing"? Who is "seeing"? How do you deal with someone who you clash with or who treats you badly if you can't be sure your words and actions only affect them and are not colouring how others perceive you and you them?