Here & Now

Ever since the start of this Music journey back in the late 90s, I've had people say to me "keep going!", "you will make it!" and similar sentiments. For a while I was guilty of falling into that way of thinking myself, pushing myself to get somewhere. Then I began to realise it's the carrot dangling in front of you which never arrives, kicking the ball ahead of you and then kicking it again when you get to it, shifting the goalposts. That's what the system teaches - hope. Next moment will be better than this but it never arrives and then it's too late. It was during this realisation that things began to open up for me.

Since then I've tried to pass this on to those around me but it usually goes in one ear and out the other. Don't wait for it to be better, don't project somehow it will be better when I'm playing "Come & Go" in the Usher Hall or wherever. I'm playing it here and now in this room or out on the streets. In SoulJahm, Kate and I were trying to play these songs in a small, humble way in places we stayed around Europe as we travelled. We tried to encourage people to join us, to watch and listen but they were always distracted. When I was trying to get a little band situation happening during my busking days in Edinburgh (and even back in open mic days), the people I met were too eager to get up on a stage before we had barely rehearsed. For them it was about showing off in front of people, getting somewhere, they didn't want to put the effort in... for me it needed to be fully enjoyable, satisfying and sound great in the room with no audience first. If the players of the Music can't light up themselves then anywhere else you take it, it won't get much better. You have to feel the joy of it right where you are. Still, to this day, that is my experience with people. They are too distracted, can't settle and fully immerse themselves here and now.

Maybe one day I will play "Come & Go" with a full band and orchestra and everything in some amazing venue but we don't know what will happen. What we do know is the song exists now as it is and I can play a version of it right now which could be equally enjoyable in it's own way. It was rare, but sometimes when I busked the odd person would sit quietly on a bench and stay for several songs, and I could tell they were really listening and those were my favourite moments busking. Life is always here now and only ever here now.